As a child, Jason Crisp remembers visiting his friends' homes and experiencing a different type of household - living with siblings.
Crisp, now 26, was an only child but doesn't think he missed out.
"I feel like I have a more rounded picture of it all because I grew up as an only child," says Crisp, who lives in Brandon.Life as an only child meant that Crisp had his parents' undivided attention and support, both emotionally and financially, he says.
Crisp has one child, Jackson, and wouldn't mind if Jackson, who turns 3 this month, also grows up without any siblings.
Those without siblings hear these stereotypes all the time: That they are spoiled, bratty and can't function because their parents did everything for them. Wonder what onlies Steve Jobs, Betty White and Shaquille O'Neal would say about that?
Today, 20 percent of children younger than 18 are onlies, according to the U.S. Census. And, because of varied reasons including delays in marriage and having children, families with one child now outnumber those with two children, says social psychologist Susan Newman.
So if this is the new traditional family (not just in America but also in Japan, Italy, China and Britain, according to Newman), we should take a closer look and see what makes only children tick.
For starters, the notion that onlies are maladjusted is a myth, says Newman, a New Jersey parenting expert and author of "Parenting an Only Child." Newman, who covers onlies on Singletons, her Psychology Today blog, says the bias dates back to the late-1890s child psychologist G. Stanley Hall, who called being an only child "a disease unto itself." But that was a different era. Families were isolated, and a lot has changed.
Today, children are socialized very early," Newman says. "They learn all they need to know about empathy and sharing from friends. But, no matter how much parenting changes, social attitudes toward only children are stuck in the past. It's a long, slow climb to change those views."Chuck Edwards, 58, of Sioux Falls grew up as an only child on a farm in Letcher, northwest of Mitchell. "I always say you can't miss what you don't have," he says about growing up. "... You always had friends - you had more at school. I don't think I gave being an only child a second thought."
Instructions:
Some people crtique that an only child in the family does not learn family values and other moral values. The only child is being critcised for being a spoil brat. What do you think are the disadvantages and advantages of living as an only child in the family?
Advantages: the whole family can shower all their love to that only child. The parents can spend quality time with the child in every aspect- travelling abroad, eating together, coaching the child and spending on things that they child wants.
ReplyDeleteIf there are more than one child in the family, the family needs to worry about dividing the time, effort and money among all the kids.
Disadvantages: The child might feel lonely sometimes. It will not get to learn the joy of sharing with one another.
Cheryl phoa(09)2E3
ReplyDeleteAdvantages : Being an only child you can get the undivided love and attention from the parents. They will love and dote you and will buy toys or presents for you without any said. They are willing to spend money on you as you are the their only child.It good that you did not have to share with other siblings.
Disadvantages: As the only child , parents are "over protected" you. You tend to not sharing things example toys and love with others. You live by you own as thinking people will give ways like your parents do. These result you being spoilt and selfish.
As the only child, everything is managed and done by the parents ,you need not have to worry anythings. It is no good in the long run as when you grown up you are unable to handle or cope with problems you face in the real world. You will lack of self- confidence and no one else you could approached to.Being an only child can also be very lonely. You will not have an opportunity to enjoy the fun and sadness with your other growing up sibling .
Another disadvantages is the heavy responsibility example is taking care of your parents as you are the only child .
conclusion :
I do not like to be the only child but to have a brother like what I currently have now. Though he may be noisy at times , I do not mind to share things and love with him from my parents.
Regine Pek (8) , 2e3
ReplyDeleteMy father used to talk fondly of his four siblings . He used to mention again and again that I was unfortunate that I had only one brother . If I did not get along with him or if he married and left the nest , I would be alone . I used to envy him a little and wonder how nice it would be to have a houseful of brothers and sisters . I also used to wonder what it would be like to be an only child .
First of all , I would not have to share anything . With a bedroom all to myself , I would be able to have a lot of privacy . The peace and quiet will allow me to concentrate on my studies . I could have all my parent's love , instead of dividing it by the numder of children . I could ask for anything I want . My parents would probably dote on me . there would also be no hand-me-downs . I will not have to wear someone else's clothes . in the area of education , since my parents would spend all their money on me , I can reach out and study anything . my parents would probably be able to send me to a University overseas .If I have many siblings I may even have to leave school early to work in order to support my younger brothers or sisters .
The disadvanges of being an only child would be that I would be very lonely After my parents leave the world , I will not have any blood relative left .I would not have anyone who will share with me fond memories of our parents . That would be very sad . While growing up too , it would be nice having brothers and sisters . They will stand by your side no matter how . I remember the time when my brother hurl himself like an angry tiger at a playground bully who hit me , when I was seven years old and he was only three . I am not sure anyone but a sibling would have done that .
I also think that if I grew up as an only child , I am likely to be selfish . This is because an only child does not have to share anything . I realised that the world is for sharing . I have seen one of my classmates behaving very selfishly - and he is an only child . He does not realise the joy of sharing and also has a lonely character . He is also very timid as he is used to being protected and pampered by his parents . Later in society , he will have difficulty standing on his own feet . I certainly don't want to be him .
On the whole , I think there are more disadvantages to advantages to being an only child .
@Cheryl & Regine:
ReplyDeletewell-thought comments! Both of you girls seem to enjoy your siblings' company. I totally agree with your point that sometimes they might be very irritating (in my case, i have a younger sister who is doing her O levels this year and younger siblings can be a 'real challenge' sometimes) hehe...but even though they are irritating at times, without them, life would be very boring! thanks for sharing your thoughts:)
Dennis Chea(18)2E3
ReplyDeleteAdvantages:The child will have their parents full attention. The child will get what he/she wants and will not have to share with his/her siblings.
Disadvantages:The child would be lonely as both of their parents are working.The child would be selfish and will not share things with others.As the only child, everything is managed and done by the parents,but when they grow up they would likely be jobless as they do not know how to face the world.
For me I have 2 siblings and although they maybe annoying but at least i'm not lonely.
Living as an only child could be a good thing as u don't have to do things like sharing bedrooms, maybe even wearing hand-me-downs, or get upset whenever parents accuse u of bullying your younger sibling.U could even get the full attention and care of your parents, since they don't have other children to care for.And since your parents spend most of their time and effort on you, others may think they do everything for you,and thus have spoilt you.And if your parents din't do anything to spoil u,just because u are the only child in the family,others reguard you as a spoilt brat,it could get pretty annoying.
ReplyDelete-Megan T.S.M
hi i am yihong, dont say i never post YAWNS
ReplyDeleteAlvin Ng(33) 2E3
ReplyDeleteBegin the only child in a family does not mean that he or she is a spoil brat and it does not mean that that child in that family would not learn family values and other moral values.People do not have the right to critcise other family who only have one child.It's all because that person who critise other child who doesn't have any siblings would not have gone through what the child with no siblings have gone through before.If those people who critise other child with no siblings sayying that they are spoil brat and not knowing what they gone through before.
That child who doesn't have any siblings may feel sad after other people critise them as spoil brat.People who critise other child who doesn't have any siblings should also think about their feeling before sayying anything about them.Those child who doesn't have any siblings would proberly have already feel very sad because of not having any siblings to play with or to talk to.Some reason why some good child who does not have any siblings become a spoil brate would also be because his or her friends keep taking him as a spoil brat which also affect that child to become a spoil brat due to stress and having no one to talk or express his or her feeling.This is really a very painful and hurtful time.
There are many advantage of living as an only child in an family.Some example would be,the family would put all their attention on that particular child and shower him or her with love.The parents would also do their best to help that child in anything.That child would also feel very happy because his parents would always dote on him alot and care about him.That child would also feel that he is much lucky than some other child who have siblings and their parents do not treat them as good as family with only one child.Parents also would not need to spent so much money on their child as there is only one child.Parents and the child would also be closer since there are only one child and their relationship might be closer than those family with two or more childern.That child would also be able to get any toys he want since his family only have one child which is only him,his parents would mostly buy that toy for their child because they only need to buy one toy for that child and not like other family who buy two to make it fair for their two childern so that if they buy one for the younger child,the older child would feel jealous and maybe start to hate his parents as well as his younger brother.
There are also many disadvantages of living as an only child in an family.That child would feel lonely as he does not have any siblings to play with or talk with.He may also feel scare when he is at home alone or when he is outdoor since he does not have any siblings to be with him.He would also feel left out when he is lonely and start to stop talking to other people or his friends.When that child have any bad things that happen to him or have anything that he want to say.That child would not be able to feel the love of brother and sister and the fun of having siblings.That child may be jealous of other family with siblings and start to hate those people.That child parents may also treat him too well till he think that everything should got the way he wan.An example would be,if a parents treated his child too well and after his child grow up,that child may think that everyone should listen to him and he should always be the boss and no one can order him to do anything that he do not like.That child may also depend on his parents too much till he does not want to go anywhere other than following his parents wherever they go and this would be a real big problem when that child grow up.
In the end,i think that the advantage and the disadvantage of living as an only child in the family is equal.I do not know how much advantages and disadvantages of living as an only child in the family because i am not them and i have no right to say anything bad about them.
@megan, dennis, alvin: Thanks for the well-thought comments.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with megan's point that it is also frustrating from the only child' point of view to label the only child of the family as a 'spoil brat' without concrete evidence. good thought, megan:)
@yihong: Constructive comments will be beneficial to you. but atleast you still remember that such a blog exists! happy on that note:)
ReplyDelete@alvin: that was an essay!!! it shows how much effort you are willing to put in. Anyway, great effort. i like the conclusion of yours on how one has no right over others to judge who they are. good!:)
Advantages : The parents will dote the child and give the child what he/she wants as long as he's happy . The child can also get all the attention . Having the whole room to yourself and not needing to share anything with your siblings .
ReplyDeleteDisadvantages : The child might get spoilt cause the parents give the child everything he/she wants and the child will get selfish as being the only child , he/she can have everything to himself/herself without sharing with anyone . The child might get lonely because there's no other siblings that he/she could talk to .
But it's unfair to say that the only child in the family does not learn family values and other moral values. Although they're the only child , it doesnt means that their spoilt . Parents might spend time teaching their kid what's right and what's wrong . Parents also want their kid to grow up and do something useful to the society . Who wants their kid to grow up being a gangster or someone useless ? I feel that people shouldent judge their appearance and start making the first move - talking to them . Being the only child tends to keep everything to themselves cause they have no one to talk to at home .
-Weixuan(3)
@weixuan: totally true in saying that we shouldn't judge a book its cover:))
ReplyDeleteWhoever who has commented about this topic is totally true!
ReplyDeleteParents will show more care and concern to that particular child as he/she is the only child they have. They'd show the highest level of care , concern and love. Whatever the child wants, they'll work hard just to get what their child wants. They'd never give up on that particular child of thiers no matter what happens!
The disadvantages are the child would be a loner at home while their parents are away for work! They'd have siblings to talk or quarrel with which makes his or her lives a boring one!
They'd have no* siblings to talk to.
ReplyDeletelike my mum..she have alot of siblings. and if my mum nid help or something, her siblings will help her. they will support you all the way if u're giving up half way or wat.
ReplyDeleteAdvantage--all the things tat the parents bought will be ours and will not get to shared it with siblings:) all parents focus will be only on tat only child. will be pampered with lots of loves.
disadvantage--will be lonely. will not be able to have ppl to talk out ur feelings. will not have the love given by siblings and will not feel the protection given. will nt have ppl to help when in need.
so many ppl would rather have a sibling then being the only child. :) they wont be lonely like they used to be:)
Doesn't mean havin one child as a family, parent must give their support and attention. What if there is two child in the family but the parent care bout the first child as compared to the 2nd child. It might be a big problem. So parents must treat all child equally with love, care and happiness:) Givin to much of attention to the child might make them feel overprotected and always will depend on them. :/
ReplyDelete@siwen & sundram, valid points indeed!:)
ReplyDelete-Advantages: The advantages of being one child is that no matter what, your parents will always focus on you, no matter how busy they are, the child will be placed first. If the child wanted to get into an expensive university, the parents could afford paying for the child, and it'll be fair, because if there's two children, one would have the chance to go, but the other wouldn't. The child would be pampered because they can't afford to lose their only child, they'll pampered them with all their might. Hence the advantages of being a only child.
ReplyDelete-Disadvantages, the disadvantages is that, when the child is too pampered because they are the only child, they'll get angry easily if the parents don't give them what they wanted. Not all only child will do that. Only those child which the parents agrees on everything they wanted. If the parents give everything they wanted, they won't take things for granted, they won't set goals for their life, they won't even study hard to have a better future, because they are living a comfortable world now. If the family has only one child, they will get lonely, they don't have anybody to talk to when they're feeling down when their parents are out. Resulting the child to go out with friends more often because they will feel lonely at home.
-Belinda